i thought i should have never let it go

i thought i should have extend the feeling

but enduring it more make me suffer

so i let it end

it was love not meant to be

happiness not destined to last

it was never been there in the first place

BUT IT WAS GOOD AS IT LAST

IT WAS NOT ALL PAIN

SOME LITTLE HAPPINESS

BUT MOST OF THE TIME SADNESS

IT WAS EMOTION UNRECIPROCATED

IT WAS A FEELING NOT MUTUALLY FELT

IT WAS JUST A FLING AFTER ALL

LOVE IS REALLY PLAYFUL AFTERALL

IT GIVES YOU HOPES AND JOY IN AN INSTANCE

YET LET YOU PAINED FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

LUCKY ARE THOSE WHO FIND THEIR TRUE LOVE

FOR THEY WOULD NEVER FEEL THAT EMPTINESS INSIDE

A FEELING THAT NO ONE ELSE WOULD UNDERSTAND BUT YOU

A FEELING YOU COULD NOT EVEN UNDERSTAND WHY

A FEELING THAT WILL LEAVE A SCAR IN YOUR HEART

THAT I THOUGHT WILL NEVER HEAL

BUT FOR WHATEVER IT TAKES

TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS

SCAR IS LEFT...BUT THE PAIN IS GONE

MAYBE EVERYBODY IS DESTINED

TO FEEL THIS WAY ONE WAY OR ANOTHER

TO LET US LEARNED LIFE LESSONS WELL

TO LET US FEEL THE PAIN SO WE CAN ENJOY THE HAPPINESS IT WILL BRING

NEXT TIME .....

BUT I JUST HOPE THERE WILL BE A NEXT TIME

BECAUSE I FEEL ..A SCARED HEART IS AFRAID FOREVER

IT JUST WOULD NEVER LISTEN TO REASONS AGAIN

AFRAID IT MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HEAL  THE NEXT TIME

BUT WE ARE NOT THE ONE HOLDING OUR DESTINY

WE MAY REFUSE THE CHANCE

BUT CAN WE REALLY SAY NO?

BECAUSE LIVING THIS LIFE

IS ALSO GIVING OURSELVES A  CHANCE

TO LOVE AND GET HURT

LOVE AND GET HURT AGAIN

AND AS DESTINY CONTROLS THAT FATE

JUST LIVE A HOPE

THAT LOVE AND HAPPINESS

WILL JUST COME OUR WAY

AND IN OUR LIFE

WILL DESTINED TO STAY

sometimes i feel too tired

of wearing a mask as a front

too tired of hiding what i feel

the pain of bitterness

the hurt that lingers

i used to say life is what we make it

but sometimes i too feel tired of that life

seems everything is not in their proper place

seems existence not worth the pain.....

but on second thoughts

think i can endure that pain

hiding what i feel

so others will come out in the open

keeping to myself the hurt

so others will be happy

smiling to the world like evrything is okey

boosting my ego that im a survivor

survivor of the pain and the hurt

yet deep inside it cuts like a knife.....

whats the used of keeping these pictures

of happy moments when all of them

are now things of the past?

whats the used of going to those places we used to go

when today im doing it all alone

whats the use of reminiscing those  happy moments together...when tears are falling everytime i think of them?

whats the purpose of having you in my life

when you were not really meant to stay here forever?

and whats the use of wearing a front

when the world really knows im hurting???

i wish i iknew all the answers

so i could stop these pretensions

so i could move on ...live a life

forget the past....start a new beginning

embrace a new world..welcome new hopes

wish i knew where to start

wish ill be happy again without the mask..

without a front!!!

       I AM WRITING THIS FOR A FRIEND....THUYY

I WISH YOU WILL FIND A NEW BEGINNING.

life is good my friend..

memories are made to stay

live those memories

but without the pain

learn to remember them

as things of the past

that you could look behind

with a smile in your heart

because happy or sad they may be

they are there because they are meant to be.

as i walk alone i wonder

what went wrong with our love

a love that was so strong......

i was listening to this song

think it is an old song

i once heard my mom sung that(im emphazaising that to hide my age ha.ha)

but its a nice song

it reminds me of a past love

so strong i thought it wont end

but as they say

some good things never meant to last

and my love is no exception

i wish i could feel that way again

but heart cannot be  dictated..it has a mind of its own

im just as helpless as anybody out there

i maybe happy today

but maybe not as happy as yesterday

but as they say again ...dont dwell on the past

and im living each day as it is

there are other things my mind is busy with

my work...people i love...people i care

yet once in a while ....cant help but give it a thought

it gives me some sort of happiness dwelling on the past

just once in a while...

it gives me a feeling of happiness

thinking the way it used to be

thinking what could went wrong

knowing fully well it was carefully well taken care of

or maybe it was just a one sided care...my side

or maybe i love too much...is it bad to have too much of anything?

maybe i get too much attention  and get too tired of it

or i was just expecting too much too soon

or maybe ...maybejust too many maybe

wish i really  had the power to have it all again

correct my mistakes...learn to forgive...learn to compromise

but its all water under the bridge

cant be undone....its just a memory forever

it was good while it last

it was hurting as it was full of happiness and pain

it was a memory kept in my heart all this time

no one can tell me how hard it was

for nobody felt it like i did...and it was all by me

people felt i was the one celebrating

freed from whatever  pain im having

but they will never know because i will never show

that behind those smiles and wishes

is a heart so badly shattered...so damaged

that i thought it would never heal

the places...the songs...mutual acquintances...

they added to the pain and the sadness

but slowly as they say again

time heal all wounds

now as i look back

im feeling much better

take it all as it is

remembering the memory

remembering the boy i loved

but i cant remember the feeling anymore

maybe it was washed away

by...the rain

by the tears i shed...and by the love im feeling now.

the truth is

only another love

can heal a broken one

SO KEEP ON LOVING.ITS A SMALL WORLD.!!!

today i feel so sad

reading a blog of one of my friends

so hurt by the uncaring attitude of the man he loves

i feel her pain...like its my own

loving someone so much without him loving you

is the most painful feeling i ever knew

its like dying a thousand deaths

questions u never can answer

u want to forget and get rid of that emotion

but it follows u like ur shadow

its like feeling useless

like why do have to love just to get hurt

and the pain is unbearable

especially to a woman like her

you tend to lost interest

you feel unloved

you feel so empty....

and its devastating!

but its not the end of the world

life goes on...we cant be as happy

but still we had this life to live

people who still cares for us

for losing someone we love is not a failure

its accepting the reality

that there are those not meant for us

no matter how hard we try

no matter how hurt we feel

so its just pouring your tears

all of that...till it drained

then let go all the heartaches

set you love free...set that person free

if he comesback his  yours

but if  he will not

then he was not meant for you all along

so learn from that

try to move on...make new beginnings

it doesnt hurt to try

make a world allover again

if you cry.....you will cry alone

so get up and fight...love yourself first

then other s will do the same

its not how many times you fail

its how you start fighting failures that counts

for feeling self pity is not worth it

begging is never an option for love

pray hard and learn to appreciate the life you have

its just love....make it look for you

never searched it...its always hard to find sometimes

its always easier to advice

because ive been there before and im a stranger looking in

but i know how it felt

love is a 2 way street

if you feel theres a sign that its a one way affair

then DETOUR..fast my friend

look the other way

and start again.....!

im a sentimental person

others says its just the dramatic actress in me

but i think i enjoy simple things

appreciate simple life

feel elated with simple comments here in my blog...

treasured friends made here

those i really dont know personally

but feel they are a part of me now....

indervig...pdg...sunshine...skiyajudeen...lonely ..Arpit A.....Sohamswami ....and those names i can hardly pronounce...because their name sounds different

i thought i will always be a frustrated writer

but reading their comments gives me a certain strength

that somewhere out there someone understands what im saying

i wish i could memorize their names

i cant even pronounce them well

but im treasuring them...deep deep in my heart

writing this is my only means of thanking them

and thanking reddiff

for here i find new friends...thousands of seas apart

i believe i made a new "me" in here

even for just a day

even for just one blog

now im really convinced

that if u write from your heart

u need no experience

u just need to pour your heart out

and reach whatever you wish to convey

and say whatever you need to say....

THANKS    FOR YOUR TIME IN MY ILAND.!

im always interested in everything     .......life for me is so weird and unpredictable
every day you see people in different aspects
different stories to tell...diferent views to consider

on the streets you see life as it goes
stumbled on people who rarely had a meal for a day
who may not even have it for the rest of the week
children peeping at school gates
gazing at fellow lucky peers
for they cant even afford a pair of slippers
to protect their tiny feet
and walk them to school

scavengers roaming for garbage
old people who should be resting in their sunset days
still you see them struggling to work
because their children choose to forget them
or maybe as helpless as they are
they cant help themselves either....

you see people die for love
and yet no one would care
seems almost evrybody is busy
trying to live a life of their own

yet you see the other side of life
rich people who ache their head in choosing
what car to used
what house to live
what country to visit.....what dress to wear every minute
what jewelries to show off next time

and you began to realize
for some this is a cruel life
having to snatched...to rob...to kill
its like dying in order to live
as for others this is life as its best
having all you have wanted
a heaven on earth.......

life is good ...life is bad
it depends on how you see it....on how you lived it
but there are really those who wished
that life will be kinder ...a liitle better
for those  that deserved......a life well lived.

 i am now in the near sunset of my life

 reminiscing how my younger days went perks me up

id like to think of those naughty days in my childhood

where one could just think of fun ..school and home

those times when love is pure and simple

were lovers meant what they say(and later regret it)

times were you could feel the warmth of mamas love

the intensity of dads dos and donts

and brothers wicked ways of making you cry

those days of laughter and fears

moments with friends...of hellos and goodbyes

those times of just sitting in benches stargazing

of crushes and part time lovers(they really are friends)

of non stop music to welcome your day

and romantic moonlight to be with you for the night

of rushing things for projects and fun

for making alibis just to stay out for a while

for loving so many...and end with nobody

maybe so many boys ...so little time(joke)

and for laughter of that youth i terribly missed now

just the memories makes me smile...and SAD

but those memories  were not all happy ones

me too have broke hearts(sometimes i believe that)

and have mine broken so many times  that i stop counting

and have been careful since...but never learned

for that young life is so blessed

that if given the chance to lived again

ill choose that life i had

my only regret in that childhood is that

too many decisions were not really planned

they were just decisions of a young mind

that never understand the consequences it will bring then

but neverthe less ...it was a decision powered only by heart

for what can you expect ?

it was not a life well lived

but it was fun/!

as i said ...i am now nearing the sunset of this life

im not yet old ...just learned..ha ha

i learned to face life as it comes

bear heartaches too....sometimes im used to that

conquer my fears...tackles my task

but if i have to face my creator(hope not too soon)

i will thank him for that young life

happy memories of my childhood

for they make me what i am today

fragile yet strong...

afraid yet confident that i will move on

to a better phase...to a better life ...and maybe   just maybe

a better love.

I ALWAYS THOUGHT LIFE IS NOT FAIR

BUT SOMEHOW UNDERSTAND THAT IT HAS ITS VALUE

EVERYBODY IS LOOKING FOR THAT SOMETHING

SOMETHING THAT WOULD MAKE THEM THINK OTHERWISE

I TRIED TO LOOK FOR THAT MEANING ONCE

I TRIED TO FIND THAT SOMETHING TOO

I ENDED UP LOOKING FOR MORE...........

I USED TO ENVY PEOPLE WHO HAVE A HAPPY FAMILY

WHO I THOUGHT HAD EVERYTHING THEY WANTED

PEOPLE WHO NEVER WORK AS HARD AS I DID

BUT ARE WELL COMPENSATED

THOSE WHO CARE LESS OF OTHERS  YET SO WELL LOVED

AND THOSE WHO HAVE EVERYTHING IN LIFE

THAT A FRACTION STILL REMAINS A DREAM FOR ME......

IT IS NOT AS IM COMPLAINING

DO I SOUND LIKE ONE?????

ITS JUST MY OBSERVATION

JUST AN IDLE THOUGHT  ONCE IN A WHILE

JUST A FEELING OF SOMEONE NOT WAITING FOR AN ANSWER....

FOR LIFE  FAIR OR NOT

WE HAVE NO RIGHT TO QUESTION THAT

ITS WHATS GIVEN TO US  FOR NORTURING...NOT COMPLAINING

AFTERALL  LIFE IS WHAT WE MADE IT

SEEKING FOR HAPPINESS IS NOT EASY...BUT ITS WORTH IT

HAPPINESS IS MAYBE NOT WHAT YOU HAVE

BUT WHAT YOU FEEL

COMPLETE PEACE OF MIND......TOTAL ACCEPTANCE OF WHAT IT IS MADE OF

LOOKING FOR LOVE IS NOT REALLY ADVISABLE

TRY THE OTHER WAY AROUND

LET IT FIND YOU....

BE CONTENTED OF MATERIAL THINGS YOU POSSESS

IF YOU TRY TO COMPARE THEM TO WHAT OTHERS HAVE

YOU MAY END UP STRUGGLING FOR MORE

LOVE YOUR SELF FIRST TO BE ABLE TO GIVE YOUR AFFECTION TO OTHERS

IF TIRED...YOU REST

IF OVERWHELMED ....JUST BE CALM

IF ANGRY....LEARN TO FORGIVE

IF IN PAIN ......DONT FORGET TO PRAY

FOR ITS NOT THE TEMPORARY HAPPINESS IN THIS LIFE

WHO CAN MEASURE  WHAT LIFE WE HAVE

ITS  WHAT BECOME OF THAT LIFE THAT MATTERS ANYWAY

ITS NOT THE STRUGGLE WE MADE...BUT THE OUTCOME OF IT

ITS NOT HOW MANY FRIENDS WE HAVE

OR HOW  MANY PEOPLE WE MEET...

ITS HOW WILL THEY REMEMBER US.....AFTER WERE GONE

AND ITS HOW WE KEEP THAT FAITH

WHEN THINGS WERE NOT AS WE EXPECT TO  THEM TO BE

AND THINKING THIS ALOUD

WHO CARES IF LIFE IS

FAIR OR NOT.......

LIVE IT.!!!

goodmorning yesterday

you wake up

and times have slipped away

and suddenly its hard to find..the memories you left behind

remember...do you remember ..the times of your life

the laughter and the tears

the shadow of misty yesteryears

the good times and the bad youve seen

and all the others in between

remember ...will you remember the times of your life

reach back for the  joys and the sorrow

put them way in your mind

the memories of times that you borrow

to spend when u get to tomorrow

here comes the setting sun

the seasons are passing one by one

so gather moments while u may

collect the dreams u dream today

remember ...will you remember the times of your life.....

              a song in my young life

              when love was first felt

             now only reminiscing is left

             to cheerish old memories

             of friends and lovers

             of goodtimes and bad times

             bittersweet memories of my young life

            of never ending crushes and falling in love

           of fighting with friends and loved ones

            of crying alone and smiling without a reason

            of foolish things done...forgiven because your young

            of lessons learned....of heartaches felt

            memories of long lost friends...now in pictures piled

            i still wish...life can be rewind....to feel the joys over and over again

            young life....young dreams....so innocent...so naive

            unsuspecting of bitter things to come

           but as they say...some good things never last

            they just fade!!!

as long as there is life

there is hope

as long as im here

ill be with you

as long as i breath

ill do that for you

as long as i know i love you

i will fight for you

i will  even pledge this life for you

for living without you i can do

but not as happy as im with you

not as interesting as im with you

not as colorful as im with you

maybe there are other more deserving than you

more caring than you

more loving than you

more visible than you

but hearts are more powerful than heads

hearts have certain powers we cant deny

hearts has that demand thats hard to resist

hearts give me that reason to live

with you i can sing with tune

with you i can compose a poem from my heart

with you i can walk in the rain allday

with you i can bear the heat of the sun

the coldness of the night

the sadness of life

the pain of failures...that i can take with you

i have been feeling tired once in a while

but just having you  makes me feeling the strength again

just thinking of you ...makes things right

just the thought of being with you

perks up this boring phase of life

that is why.....

I WILL LIVE THIS LIFE

JUST TO  BE WITH YOU.

YOU ARE LOVED

I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW.